North

I never felt I belonged here.
Something always separates me from the rest of the world, that something is myself, I get lost in my thoughts and when I have too much free time is when I start to think about that.

I can feel those thoughts coming in, when I do, I make myself busy and forget about them, lately I've been thinking about how it would feel to actually talk to somebody about my story and let everything go.

Be honest, even when I know I've never been honest with nobody -not even me- I always thought that by 28 my life would be different and in fact it's different of what I thought it would be, lately I feel like I just don't care that much.

I found myself doing the same stupid shit I was doing a year ago, two years ago & five years ago. Which means I haven't really evolve and really learn from my mistakes, mistakes I keep repeating even when I know the outcome, I dont believe there are even mistakes anymore, why? Because a mistake is an isolated incident NOT a repetitive action, it feels more like a behavior, destructive behavior.

Sometimes I feel like my mind plays mental games to myself.
Then I remember the only one in charge is me.
No games, no tricks, no mistakes... Just a destructive behavior.

I was alone, I am alone and will remain alone by choice -mind you- it's hard to carry on when absolutely nothing is clear in my mind.

Let me make myself busy again so these thoughts can go back to the back of my mind & remain there until I have the time to think about them again.