Pretending.

Ive been having these thoughts lately, about doing things I shouldnt, sometimes I see things where there is none, its almost undetectable but I've found myself thinking things that could hurt me in a pshysic way. I guess Im just sad, maybe I need someone to talk, there is so much in my life right now and Im not complaining Im just letting it out, All of these changes happened because I want them to, I havent had the time to stop and think.

I observe people's behaivor and how they act around certain people, nothing new really, we all ve'done it.
When I decided I needed a change I just did it and made it happen, now Im having second thoughts but there is no turning back, at least for now, I wanna have it all even tho my mind keeps telling me I cant and I know its right, hard to explain but at this point of my life I know exactly who I am and Im able to recognize do's & don'ts.

Just yesterday after a 64 working hours week I was gonna meet with this guy I met early this year, when I met him he was kind and posionish at the same time, it felt good and we decided to meet up again, It didnt happen, at the end he told me he was at work and it was 7PM, we were suppose to meet at 6 (after re-scheduling twice already) I knew that was gonna happen, I still tried to keep up with charade, at the end I just picked up my sister from work and eat together, came home and forget about (he hast contacted me yet). Anyway I just wanted to write this just because.

I start tomorrow as a supervisor of 21 people, Im scared AF! I know I can do it, at the same time I know I cant (you know). Ill do my best and Ill keep a smile in my face and keep doing what Ive done my whole life: Pretending. For good or bad that is, its a fact. Cant wait!