Decisions

It hit me, when I was staring at that little boy, I remembered how I was and all the time that has passed since I was that age, I just looked at him and think to myself: he doesn’t know shit about life and I just hope he make good decisions with his life. And there was the key word Decisions! since none of us get to change our past we all still have the chance to change our future now I feel more prepared to be more rational and think first, the story of my life it’s not a cute one, I’m not playing victim here either however I feel that somehow I haven’t had the opportunity to learn and act, in my life it usually goes the other way around, I act and then I learn, I don’t know if its genetics or maybe I’ve chosen wrong, no one to blame but me, the decisions I made in the past are my reality now, it’s not a bad reality because I’m still alive and knowing the decision I’ve made its really a surprise I’m still alive.
 
All kind of things, from being a lazy ass student, to pretend I was a cool kid ( I wasn’t), then I guess I just didn’t care about myself, this year has been amazing in terms of knowing me because I got to the conclusion I lack of self-love, I really don’t know how that happened, maybe I never learned or maybe at some point of my life I forgot or I just chose to ignore what was good for me, it was really hard to face the reality and be honest with myself even though I know that now I’m still far from loving myself, I keep doing harmful things to myself but at least now I know what I am doing, I don’t go through life thinking I am doing all the right things now I know my reality, that has made the story of my life not a good story and still I said I’m still doing things that are not good for me, now I realize that this is my life and I can change my future and I know it’s hard and I know it will take time and I have to be strong and I know I can do it, I just hope I have the strength to make it, to read this in one/five/ten years and think: I MADE IT.